How to write healthy relationships
In the storytelling world, conflict and drama often take centre stage. From the tumultuous love affairs of Romeo and Juliet to the explosive friendships in Fight Club, unhealthy relationships can certainly make a good tale. But what about their healthier counterparts? Can they deliver equally compelling narratives? Yes! Let's journey into the world of well-adjusted, emotionally healthy relationships and how to write them.
Understanding healthy relationships
Before we dive into the writing part, let's try to understand what makes a relationship healthy. Healthy relationships are based on respect, trust, communication, and understanding. They involve kindness, compassion, mutual support, and the ability to resolve conflicts in a constructive way. They're not devoid of disagreements – rather, they're characterised by how these disagreements are managed. So how does this translate into your writing?
Healthy respect
Healthy relationships involve a deep respect for each other's individuality. This means acknowledging and appreciating differences, respecting boundaries, and valuing each other's autonomy.
When writing, show this through your characters' actions and dialogue. Maybe one character has a hobby the other doesn't share – rather than mocking or belittling it, they show genuine interest or, at the very least, respect their partner's right to enjoy it. Or, if one character is uncomfortable with something, the other respects their feelings and doesn't pressure them into it.
Open and honest communication
Communication is the lifeblood of a healthy relationship. This means expressing feelings and thoughts openly, listening attentively, and understanding each other's non-verbal cues.
In your writing, consider how your characters communicate with each other. Do they express their feelings directly? Are they attentive listeners? Do they pick up on each other's non-verbal cues? Do they ask clarifying questions if they're unsure about what the other person is saying? Remember, communication is a two-way street, and it involves much more than just talking.
Trust and reliability
Trust is the bedrock of a healthy relationship. It's the confidence that the other person will be there for you and that they'll act in ways that are in your best interest.
In your story, show trust through your characters' actions. Do they confide in each other? Do they rely on each other in challenging situations? Do they stand up for each other? Moreover, trust also means being reliable. Are your characters there for each other? Do they follow through on their promises?
Constructive conflict resolution
Conflict is a part of any relationship. What matters is how it's handled. Healthy relationships involve resolving conflicts constructively and respectfully, where both parties feel heard, and their feelings are considered.
To portray this, think about how your characters handle disagreements. Do they shout and hurl insults, or do they speak calmly and respectfully, even when they're upset? Do they try to understand the other person's perspective? Do they apologise when they're wrong, and do they work towards a solution that satisfies both parties?
Building each other up
In healthy relationships, individuals support each other's growth and happiness. They build each other up instead of tearing each other down.
As you write, consider how your characters support each other. Do they encourage each other's goals and dreams? Do they offer comfort and encouragement when the other is down? Do they celebrate each other's successes, even if they're small? Remember, it's in these small moments that the strength of a relationship shines through.
Drawing from real life
If you're struggling to understand or depict healthy relationships, look around you. Draw from real-life examples – perhaps a friendship, a family relationship, or even examples from media that portray healthy dynamics. Study these relationships and notice the interactions, the respect, the mutual support. Use these as inspiration when crafting your own characters' relationships.
Mirror, mirror: The writer's self-reflection
As writers, we often draw from our own experiences and perceptions to breathe life into our characters. This personal lens, while useful, can sometimes blur the lines between what we consider 'normal' and what constitutes a healthy relationship. That's where the magical mirror of self-reflection comes into play.
Self-reflection involves turning the lens inward and examining our own relationships and interpersonal dynamics. It requires honesty and willingness to recognise patterns that may not necessarily align with the tenets of healthy relationships. Remember, it's okay to find discrepancies – no one is perfect, not you and certainly not your characters.
The knowledge quest
To give your characters' relationships depth and authenticity, go beyond your own experiences and perceptions. Venture into the realm of psychology, sociology, and related disciplines to gain a deeper understanding of interpersonal dynamics. Books, articles, podcasts, or even free online courses can provide valuable insights into the complexities of human relationships.
For instance, understanding attachment theory can help you craft characters' responses to closeness or separation. Learning about communication styles can guide how your characters express themselves or resolve conflicts. Familiarising yourself with theories of personality can give you insights into your characters' behaviour and their interactions with others.
Perfectly imperfect
Remember, the goal isn't to create perfect characters with flawless relationships. Instead, it's to create realistic, relatable characters navigating the complexities of their relationships – the joys, the challenges, the triumphs, and the learning moments.
A character might start with certain unhealthy habits, only to learn and grow through their journey. Alternatively, a character could have always been part of a healthy relationship, serving as a positive model for other characters – and your readers.
In the end, what matters is portraying these dynamics in a way that's authentic, respectful, and true to your story's heart.
The final stroke on the canvas
Remember, these relationships are not perfect – they involve disagreements, misunderstandings, and challenges. However, they also involve respect, open communication, trust, constructive conflict resolution, and mutual support. So, let's bid adieu to drama for drama's sake and paint our stories with the vibrant colours of healthy relationships.
